Should Young Women Go to College?

Another reader left a very popular question on "What to Write:" 

What is your belief on college? Do you think young women should go to college? 

After I graduated high school in 2007, I was faced countless times with a very common question: "Where are you going to school?" College is such a cultural "coming of age" and a "rite of passage" that few ever considered the possibility that I would not be stepping onto a college campus sometime soon. They did not ask, "Are you going to school?" or "What are your plans now that you've graduated?" No, assumptions made, the question was "where." It was to the disgust and confounding of many that I answered "nowhere." 

Many things came into play with my decision not to take the traditional route to post-secondary education; the twofold question above was one I pondered for quite some time: 1) what did I think about college, and, as a young woman, with my aspirations, 2) would I be attending. It was an ongoing discussion between my parents and I, and I had a massive paradigm shift from, as a little girl, yearning to be an Ivy League graduate (an English/history double major and a music minor... ambitious, I know =), to, as a sophomore in high school, daydreaming about becoming a UCLA or NYU graduate who made Shyamalan-esque films, to, as a junior, researching schools with a much more Christ-exalting curricula, to as a senior, deciding to do away with the typical college experience altogether. 

First off, since college is a form of furthering one's education, I had to consider what the purpose of my education was: as a Christian, I believe that purpose falls in line with my ultimate purpose: to glorify God and enjoy him forever. I wanted all levels of my education to be effective in equipping me for that calling. There were several things that made me shy away my my UCLA and NYU ideals; one was a five point sermon my dad's been preaching to Trey and I since we entered high school:

1. Most BA degrees aren't worth the paper they are written on.
2. Four years is too much time to waste.
3. $80,000 (room&board/state school) to $250,000 (room&board/Ivy League) is too much money to spend.
4. College is not for everyone.
5. Most universities are philosophically antagonistic to Christianity. 

Click here to read that entire article. 

American colleges today aren't what they once were, and with the amount of time and money poured into young peoples' education today, I think the results being offered are, most often, subpar. Young men and young women would benefit from taking a long, hard look at the way post-high-school education is conducted in America, making decisions, not based on the status quo, but on how to be a good steward with the time and the gifts that the Lord has given them. 

After much consideration, I decided against the traditional college route. The first two years after I graduated were spent under the tutelage of my parents, helping my mother with the household duties while working full-time for my father as his research assistant. If people asked me what I did for a living, I'd probably quip that I was the all-purpose household and office assistant/brother-wrangler/sous-chef. I was still learning (at that time, I was researching for Daddy's newest book, What He Must Be) from both of my parents, particularly from my mother, because I had ample time to tag along and take notes. 

Towards the end of that two-year period, we found an alternative to the traditional college route that allows me to still be just as involved with my family life, and I am now enrolled in an online degree program called CollegePlus! I'm an English major, and am able to pursue my passion for literature and writing at home while shaping and pursuing the other passions in my life. As Daddy pointed out in his article, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to education (which, as homeschoolers, is something that we definitely know). Doing college this away affords me the opportunity to continue to live at home under the protection and discipleship of both of my parents, as well as to be involved in my family life in a unique way that I believe many college-age gals are missing out on. 

And, just a note here, for those who often tell me that they admire my "discipline" for being able to pursue an online college degree in leu of being told what to do every step of the way by a traditional college. I think there is something seriously amiss in a world where students are thought responsible enough to be shipped away from their parents and make wise decisions on a secular college campus, but not responsible enough to take initiative and study under the guidance of their parents at home. 

As to question number two, should Christian girls go to college? Fortunately for me, that's not my decision to make. I believe, as it occurred in our home, adult daughters should have open, honest discussion with their parents when deciding which route to take after high school. While I definitely believe that far too many Christian students go to college simply because it's "what you're supposed to do after high school," I also believe that too many Christian young women are making these choices without the guidance of their parents, apart from the authority and the wise counsel of mom and dad. For me to tell you that my word is law in this area is for me to usurp your parents' God-given authority in that area, which is something I'm definitely not comfortable doing. While there are no Bible verses that speak directly to the issue of college, I think a thorough study of God's Word would prove invaluable for your approach to education and home life in general. 

As an aside, though, I must say that I do not equate the question of whether or not a young person decides to go to college with whether or not young people should be educated; when asked the second question, my answer is an emphatic yes; I simply don't believe the only or the best way for a young person to be educated is on a college campus. Depending on their chosen career paths, young men as well as young women would often do well to cut out the time-consuming, money-guzzling venture that the traditional college education is. All I want to do is to encourage young ladies to rethink their presuppositions not only regarding education, but in regards to the aspirations that your education leads you to.

However, I can share with you, as a young woman, some of the reasons I decided against going off to school. It was more important for me to remain under the protection of my father and the discipleship of my mother than it was for me to travel cross-country to sit under the discipleship of others. I believe my primary calling is towards my home, and there is no other place I'd rather be, here in my family's home for now, and, Lord bless, someday running a home of my own and educating my own children. I had no desire for a career that would take me away from that sphere. I believe that a Christian home is the best training ground that young women can be afforded, and that the safest place a young woman can be is under her parents' authority. 

For too long in our culture, parents have been training their daughters in the exact same way that they train their sons, launching their female arrows to go through life the same way their male arrows do. Fathers have been abdicating their duty to protect their daughters, mothers their duty towards discipleship and guidance. Young women have not only lost their femininity, but they've lost their desire for the biblical role that the Lord has called them to. We no longer want to be wives and mothers, and we no longer realize the power of that calling. As a result, many of us no longer realize what a unique time in our lives this can be, not only to take advantage of our ministry to our home and families, but the minister to others through that sphere. 

I think a lot of times, though, women who make decisions like I have get painted into a corner. I know many people have assumed that my daddy won't "allow" me to go to college, when the fact of the matter is that my educational path was a decision that my parents and I made together. I'm a sophomore in college now, credits-wise, and my parents and I have talked about the possibility of me getting a nouthetic counseling license once I graduate, or taking advantage of a fully-accredited online doctorate program from a Reformed college. I still want to be a writer now as much as I did ten years ago, and that's something I'm able to pursue at home now. 

That, coupled with my at-home responsibilities towards my family keeps me plenty busy and blessed. There's honestly nothing I can say that I'd rather be doing; I am always free at any time to discuss alternatives with my parents, because their goal is the same as mine: to be a good steward of the gifts, passions, and callings that the Lord has placed on my life, and to become a true woman of God. My home -my family -was custom-made by the King of Kings for me; I'm blessed to have this unique opportunity to learn from them and bless them and to be blessed by them.

I'm a stay-at-home daughter because I believe this is the best place for me to be, and because I enjoy learning and thriving in a real-world environment that affords me opportunities to minister and to be ministered to in ways that I never could be living out on my own. That's a decision that I've made with the full blessing of both of my parents, and it's a decision that has blessed the rest of us in turn. I do pray that other young women are able to have these fruitful conversations with their parents as well, and to make wise, Christ-exalting plan for their futures!