First Question of the New Year

And it's a doozy.

A reader wanted to know "whether if you don't get married by the time you're 30, will you stay at home when your brothers are grown up or will you take up some missionary work?"

Well, first off, my analytical eye caught several flaws in the question (perhaps misconceptions is a better word). My goal is not to pick on the reader who asked it in the "What to Write" section -I'm not usually offended by these kinds of questions, as I realize my lifestyle seems wholly countercultural to some (all right, many) of you; therefore, I feel that it's necessary to correct misconceptions when I see them, in hopes of giving a better understanding. So for anyone who might have wanted to know the answer to the same question, and for the asker, please don't take my tone as a bullying one.

The first assumption? That I won't be married by thirty. If I'm not married by twenty-six, I'll take arsenic and end my spinterish misery. In fact, make that twenty-one. The countdown has begun. Because life is meaningless if Johnny isn't by my side.

Just kidding.

My first observation was the assumption that if I'm not married at thirty, I shan't be married at all. Nothing could be further from the truth. This year has brought me so much news of courtships, engagements, and marriages of dear friends and acquaintances, ranging from age eighteen to age forty. It's amazing the things the Lord will do when we least expect them, and when we are willing to wait on his timing.

Further, though, Lord willing, I'd be very pleased to be married within the next few years to the visionary of my dreams, I realize that my life has a goal that is bigger than marriage. If I'm living my life in such a way now that I can't foresee being useful and content in the Lord's service single ten years down the line, then I'm wasting my time. Even if I get married a year from now, if this time at home is a time where I'm spinning my wheels and waiting for prince charming to come along, this time is neither productive nor profitable to my spiritual development. 1 Corinthians 7 gives these single year abundant meaning: I'm to be about the Lord's business.

Which brings me to my third observation: while the bulk my time at home is, indeed, being employed helping and serving my family by wrangling my brothers (and I'm using "wrangling" as an affectionate term -you haven't lived until you've heard a houseful of boys squealing with laughter, the tramp of their feet barreling downstairs, the sounds of their many make-believe games, or the smiles that their simplest precious moments will bring to your face), that's not all I'm doing. When these boys of mine are gone, I'll still have plenty to occupy my time with my work for my dad's ministry, our family's ministry, and personal projects, as well as more spaces of time to be filled with ministry in our church and in the larger context of the body of believers. I'm so much more than a live-in nanny.

Aside from that, though, when I'm thirty (in 10 years), my brothers will be twenty-seven, fifteen, thirteen, eleven, and ten. There are six of us now; Lord willing, my father would like to have ten children before our adoption journey is over with. Mama and I got together and estimated that, if we keep going at our current rate, in ten years, I could have a sibling as young as five. At thirty, my big-sistering days will hardly be over; and, Lord willing, my oldest brother will supply me with aunty-ing days ahead. And, Lord willing, should marriage be in my future (and when I'm not in an overly cynical mood, I do believe it could be), I'm the girl who looks forward not so much to her wedding day as to being able to see my grandchildren and perhaps my great grandchildren walking with the Lord.

But, back to the original question:

I enjoy reading your work and was wondering whether if you don't get married by the time you're 30, will you stay at home when your brothers are grown up or will you take up some missionary work?

The answer is: I'm doing missionary work now. I'm an ambassador for Christ right here, in my home, among the brethren, among the culture that we live in. Living at home until I'm married is a choice that I've made because I want to be here... for as long as the Lord wills, doing whatever he calls me to do in this sphere, delighting in being wherever he calls my family, diligently serving in and through my home. It's a choice I've made based on the firm belief that it is the best and safest place for me to be until my father gives me in marriage to a provider, protector, prophet, and priest. Hardships included, I love it; at nineteen, there's nowhere else I'd rather be. At thirty, we'll see what the Lord has in store -I could be raising little boys who really are my very own (a girl, even), married to Johnny and ministering day-to-day at home, in the trenches --or I could be living at home, ministering in a different way, a published author perhaps, a piano teacher, an English tutor, the best big sister... or I could be doing something that I can't even fathom right now.

But I hope to be doing it in a family unit, whatever the case may be. And, Lord willing, I'm being equipped now for all that he has in store for me: I can't wait to find out!

Photo Credit