I love having friends who encourage me in the faith, who inspire me to walk with the Lord, and to see that my relationship with him impacts how I behave towards other people. Two such friends of mine have encouraged me time and again through numerous writings and talks, from one-on-one conversations to things more akin to their recent release, "What Our Father Taught Us About Boys."
Many of the questions on "What to Write?" and other posts have been "how to" inquiries regarding how we ought to treat the young men in our lives. I by no means have the vast and mysterious male mind all figured out (although with five brothers, I ought to be well on my way, oughtn't I? ;-), nor can I say that I don't make mistakes or haven't ever acted ditzy or dominant with the young men in my life (hello? Anyone remember my running-into-a-wall-trying-to-be-cool story?) but I've been taught some of the very same lessons that Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin laid out in this CD, and highly recommend it for parents striving to help their daughters navigate what can be (but certainly don't always have to be) the tricky waters of boy-girl friendships and young women who are seeking biblical encouragement and advice on the subject.
These young women give a candid look at some of the questions we girls often find swirling in the back of our minds: Is it possible for boys and girls to be "just friends?" How to we find a balance between being sisterly and being too friendly? Does emotional purity demand that I shun young men altogether? How do we keep from seeing every young man in our life as a prospect? It will spur you on to a higher standard of emotional purity. By the by, my favorite quote from the CD?
"Men are not reservoirs of romance put on earth just to fulfill all of our little needs and desires."
How soon we forget. ;-)
Here's a warning about "What Our Father Taught us About Boys," and it's a very important disclaimer: if you're not ready to be convicted, to alter your perception of the young men in our life, and, by extension, to alter your behavior, it's probably best that you don't purchase it. Even though the message was familiar to me, I myself took note of a couple of areas that I can certainly strive to improve. This talk may prick your pride, but the results are well worth the momentary sting. Take it from someone who felt the sting. ;-)
For a taste of some of the subjects covered in this fantastic CD, check out this article. Please let me know what you think of the CD if you already have it! And if you don't -get a move on: you're missing out!
23 thoughts shared:
I thank you for your suggestion/review, and I will get a move on buying this CD and listening to it!! It sounds excellent and encouraging, especially since we're all trying to learn how to balance a healthy relationship with other young men as brothers in Christ!
Blessings to you!
Jenna
Thanks for sharing! It looks like this is a wonderful/helpful CD
Can't wait to hear!
Love,
E
Now that you bring it up, I do remember seeing this CD before, but I completely forgot about it. Now I'm excited to look it up, and grateful to know that it will definitely bring conviction--more bang for the buck, you know! (-:
This is definitely on my New Year's list of material to cover this year!
Hi Jasmine,
I just downloaded this two weeks ago... and I totally agree with you!
I tend to be the girl who walks around without even acknowledging the presence of boys (you know, ducking into a doorway when one of them would walk my way). This attitude of mine was completely wrong. It's been hard to break old patterns, but during the last few weeks I've tried to push myself out of my little comfort zone, and treat the young men in my life as they ought to be treated - like human beings.
I just wanted to echo your praise of this message - it was, indeed, excellent!
~Tayler
Dear Jasmine,
I got this for Christmas and really enjoyed it. I definitely have the same opinion but, it's quite hard to really practice it. This really reminded me and helped me. I think I could listen to it over and over again.
I don't have trouble with getting attention from boys I want to be invisible. I really need to be in between with talking with boys, like I do my brothers.
( I think home-schooled young lady's might tend to be too shy and public-schooled young lady's tend to be too comfortable.)
Comfortable but not too comfortable. Reserved but not jittery and nervous.
I too, recommend this CD. It is very helpful and so true.
Blessings,
~Leah
Have you ever read the book by Heather Paulsen: Emotional Purity: An Affair of the Heart.
Here is a link to her blog http://emotionalpurity.blogspot.com/
I recommend the book highly and wish I knew these truths when I was a young girl...it would have prevented so much hurt.
Hi Jasmine, thanks for your blogpost. My sister and I recently purchased that cd and are eagerly awaiting it's arrival in the mail.
we've been phantom readers for a few months, but wanted to "get out in the open." Thanks so much for all your blogposts. they are in turn convicting, funny, encouraging and alaways godly. Thanks for having the courage to say what needs to be said! I'll be praying for you....
Love in Christ, Michaela W.
Hello Jasmine!
Anna Sophia and Elizabeth Botkin's talk at the Father Daughter Retreat blessed me greatly! I enjoy reading my notes over once in a while and they posted on their blog their notes, as well. (wwww.visionarydaughters.com)
Thanks for the post!
May the Lord bless you richly!
Elizabeth
I am just curious, since neither of the Botkin sisters are married, nor (as far as I know) ever been in a relationship with a young man, how can they have much to teach, especially to parents?
I would think it would much wiser for parents to seek advice from parents who have grown children raised in the way a family looks to raise their own. And teenage girls should perhaps look to young married women or even their own parents, rather than their peers.
Just some thoughts.
Leah,
I think you'll find that young women from all different backgrounds suffer with boy trouble of numerous sorts, from resisting the urge to bolt to restraining oneself from flirting. I myself struggled a lot with being too tomboyous and familiar growing up; I had a tendancy to be a little too sisterly, turning into one of the guys instead of behaving like a lady. With young men I was attracted to, I was always tempted to dive behind a trash can. =D We can all work on something, and it's great to know that we're not the only ones working, isn't it? =)
I love that quote about young men not being reservoirs of romance. If you can learn that well as a single woman, it will serve you so well as a married woman, too. I just got married this past April, and I cannot expect my husband to fulfill all of my "little needs and desires." Such a good reminder!
Also, I agree with Jasmine that whether or not the Botkin sisters are married or have been in a relationship, they can still have valuable advice to offer in this area.
Anon.,
Here's another thought for you: my dad's an itinerare minister. He's 40 years old, he's been married for 20 years, has 6 kids, the oldest is 19, the older two are in college (online). He's homeschooled for nine years, and been through the adoption process 4 times.
Everywhere he goes, he preaches messages regarding these and other areas of his life. He meets older, more experienced people all of the time who benefit from what he teaches. God's Word supersedes are experience. Yes, it's a blessing to hear from more experienced people -and in our experience-based society, it's something we cling to, but we'll find many different people with varying levels of experience who have things to offer us. That's the beautiful thing about biblical truth; Paul, a single man, was inspired by the Holy Spirit to advise married couples. =D Not that that's what I as a single young woman plan to do, but it's also something I've never heard the Botkin sisters do; further, while we girls can't advise married couples, we *can* prepare for marriage because thanks to God's Word, we understand the calling of wifehood (though we'll understand in a much more practical way once we're wives).
That being said, this tape was originaly recorded, I believe, at the father/daughter retreat. So Anna and Elizabeth were essentially talking to a roomful of girls and dads, seeking to give the girls advice on something we all struggle with. One doesn't have to be married to encourage a sister on our shared journey. In fact, I'm not married myself, and try to do the same things; I'm not a parent myself, but parents ask me questions about my upbringing all the time. If I can say anything to encourage them, I try to, without overstepping my bounds as a younger Christian.
Nothing I say as an unmarried daughter should supplant strong, parental involvement and advice. As the Botkin sisters did in this tape, I encourage young ladies to go to their parents as a first resort for boy trouble. Still, it's nice to be able to supplement parental involvement with biblical encouragement. Which is why I enjoyed and recommend this CD without hesitation, simply as a godly resource to supplement strong (sometimes experienced ;-) teaching.
Oh, I had wanted to listen to that CD for so long and a month ago we had a really big order from Vision Forum and got it FREE! I was thrilled.
So, in essence, I am echoing the echo of your praise of this resource!
~Jordan Elizabeth
PS- I was thinking about Anna Sofia and Elizabeth's qualifications and, you know, the talk isn't titled "What We Know About Boys" It's titled "What OUR FATHER taught us About Boys". I would think that Mr. Botkin is pretty capable of giving advice to parents! ;)
PPS- Tell me if I didn't make sense...
Yeah--we ordered this cd, but I think it's on backorder...Now I'm thinking it's a great decision!
It's so nice to have you back :) I hope you enjoyed your vacation!
I enjoyed reading the article by the Botkin sisters, and would love to listen to that cd ... we'll see if I can make that happen. :)
Another thing that has really helped me in reference to having the right attitude towards young men is something my parents taught me. I try to assume that every young man I meet is going to marry someone else. How would his wife want me to treat him?
Hope to get this CD sometime soon. :D
Thank you so much for the post, Jasmine! I saw the c.d. in Vision Forum's catalog, but I was debating wether to buy it or not. I will definitely be buying this c.d. now! I'll be praying for you...
Hi Jasmine,
I had a question along these lines…
My sister and I were discussing how we should say good bye to families we know. Usually we shake the parents hands, thank them for the visit, etc. With our girl friends we hug and say good bye etc. What should we do to young men? Is a hand shake the right thing to do or should one just say good bye or say good bye to everyone as a whole?
Thank you for this post. I think I am more like you… jumping behind a trash can. =)
~S
Jasmine,
I just listened to the message for the second time (my father, sister and I were at the F/D retreat). I am SO, SO grateful to the Botkin ladies! I cannot wait to purchase several cds so I can hand them out to every Christian family at our church and in our community who has girls. This has been, most probably, the best message I have ever heard directed to young ladies. 'What our Father taught us' is convicting, enlightening, encouraging, freeing.
Again and again, I have been pleasantly surprised to see you blogging about the very things I've been meditating on/doing. :)
Thank you,
Elizabeth Fry, age 19
Hey, S,
You know, I think it really just depends: there's no hard and fast rule for farewells (unfortunately, right? ;-). Some families I know so well that I hug each member without a thought; sometimes I shake hands or just smile and give a personal goodbye; depending on the circumstances, I may just say goodbye to the whole family. I'm more familiar with some young men than others, so sometimes I'm more comfortable seeking him out for a goodbye.
My advice would be to do what you're comfortable with, and what your parents advise you. Also, relax. If you overthink these kinds of things, you're liable tp make it more unnatural than neccessary. Sweet, genuine friendship is the surefire cure for awkwardness. =D
Amen, Jasmine! Good answer...there is not "one way" to do it for all guys. ;) There have been some young men I felt comfortable shaking their hands and saying good bye (but it had to do with their maturity and cordialness in friendships...they being able to talk to a girl straight and not be embarrassed to have an appropriate conversation with them) and others there is no way I would do that (they would take it too far, like I meant something that I don't!). So it depends on the situation...above all focus on the Lord and when that is right, your relationships and dealings with others will be pure!
Also, if you think that doing this (such as shaking hands or saying good-bye, etc) will cause you to stumble later, - just thinking about the fact that you did it! - don't do it!! :)
Also, I loved your "running into the wall post"...it was so funny. :) Thank you for your humility.
Post a Comment